Each year, cable and the networks bring us new programs that try to make us think sociopaths are just lovable losers.  Take the new NBC sitcom, “Community.”  Joel McHale plays Jeff Winger,  a pompous liar and a cheat who winds up in a community college after it’s discovered that his law degree was a fake.  Where he should be is in jail. He’s only interested in manipulating people and exhibits several of the traits of a sociopath (psychopath).

Some other shows in which deceit and manipulation are passed off as ok?

• Psych (main character lies about his psychic abilities)
• Brothers and Sisters (brother steals, lies and cheats and the whole family turns out to enable him)

I’ll work more on this list, but just wanted to get it out there to spark some discussion.

Children’s understanding of promising, lying, and false belief.

Full Abstract

Understanding promising and lying requires an understanding of intention and the ability to interpret mental states. The author examined (a) the extent to which 4- to 6-year-olds focus on the sincerity of the speaker’s intention when the 4-to 6-year-olds make judgments about promises and lies and (b) whether false-belief reasoning skills are related to understanding promising and lying. Participants watched videotaped stories and made promise and lie judgments from their own perspective and from the listener-character’s perspective. Children also completed false-belief reasoning tasks. Older children made more correct promise judgments from both perspectives. All children made correct lie judgments from the listener’s perspective. The author found that Ist-order false-belief reasoning was related to making judgments from the participant’s perspective; 2nd-order false-belief reasoning was related to making judgments from the listener-character’s perspective. Results suggest that children’s understanding of promising and lying moves from a focus on outcome toward a focus on the belief that each utterance is designed to create.

http://www.find-health-articles.com/rec_pub_18649495-children-s-understanding-promising-lying-false-belief.htm

Yes, there’s more.  There’s always more when you have a sociopath in your life.

This one’s only in my life because I stood up to him instead of walking away.  When I learned that (once again) he had been stealing from me, I called police.  He was arrested.  He lied.  The case was dismissed.

Since then, he has sued me in small claims court to get items back that were either not his or that he had abandoned.  I hired a lawyer and coutersued.  I gave the crap back.  I didn’t want it anyway, since it had been left at my house. When he didn;t show up at court, I dropped the countersuit.  I figured I’d take the high road. I ate the attorney’s fee.  I thought that would be the end of it.  It wasn’t.

To make a long story short, we’re going to be in court again.  He’s made allegations against me and another person. Vague, hazy allegations (lies).  He’s asked for a restraining order.  How funny!  I haven’t had any contact with him in nearly 2 years. He’s only doing this to try to tarnish my record.

Since I get to use everything I have to defend myself, we’ll bring out the laundry list of arrests and warrants.  We’ll show how he’s been a heel all of his adult life. We’ll bring up the child he’s never supported for 9 years.  We can talk about the judgement one state has against him for not paying taxes. We can show how he’s been in trouble everyplace he’s ever been.  He asked for it.  This time it’s in HIS back yard.  I’d like to invite the local media so they can watch.  They need to know what he his.

A few years ago I was told I had an incurable cancer that’s described as being “uniformly fatal.” In an early discussion I had with one of my doctors, I asked, “Am I going to get old?”  His answer was, “I think so, but it’s not going to be easy.”  As it turned out, cancer wasn’t the biggest problem I’d have.  It was my association with  a sociopath.

I should have known better than to trust this boy.  I call him that because, although he’s legally an adult, he behaves like a child. He’s a narcissist and a sociopath.  His life is a shambles, but he doesn’t know how to make it right or doesn’t care.  He seems to be motivated by money, fame and whatever rewards het gets from manipluationg people.

When things don’t go his way, i.e., someone stands up to him, he lashes out at that person. As long as you play his game, you’re safe. If you make any effort to expose him, you’ll probably be very sorry.  He has to win, and will destroy you to do it.

I can see how men like Scott Peterson decide they’re going to kill so they can “win.” They don’t know how to walk away.  They DO know how to RUN away when they think they’re going to lose their freedom. As long as they have a few supporters they’ve manipulated into believing in them, they dig in their heels and throw whatever they have at you.  Scott Peterson had his mother.  She gave him cash to help him try to flee to Mexico.

The sociopath/narcissist I know has his mother too. Maybe this is a common thread.  How many of these guys run to mommy at the first hint of something going wrong? How many of their mothers bail them out over and over? How many of them actually live with their mothers?

This person has stolen from me, lied to me, manipulated me, sued me and accused me of crimes.  All because of his need to win this imaginary battle he has with me.  All because I stood up for myself.  I did what all of his past victims should have done. I called the police when he committed a crime against me.  Would I do it again if I had it to do over?  I probably wouldn’t have. It wasn’t worth the trouble, and I can see now that nobody cares.  Not law enforcement.  Not the court system.  Heck, he was arrested in a state where there were already two active warrants, and they still released him on his word that he’d appear in court and $1000 bail!   He had violated probation there before, so they should have known his word wasn’t any good.

Since then, he’s been to other states, had more arrests, and moved on.  I’m defendng a civil action against me right now that he’s launched.  All lies, of course, but  that doesn’t matter to him. I’ve seen him lie in court.  I’ve seen him lie to his family and friends. He’s lied to law enforcement, the media and anyone else he talks to. I don’t think there’s anyone alive who knows the truth about him.

I spoke to a police officer in our city about all that was going on. He said that someone without a conscience has no problem destroying someone’s reputation and can do it in five minutes if he wants to.  He said that he likes to believe that good will prevail, eventually.

In the mean time, what can I do?

If you’re involved with a sociopath, the chances are pretty good there’s a history of arrests and possibly convictions.  Television crime shows lead us to believe there are computers that contain information about every criminal deed that everyone’s perpetrated. That’s not true.

A word about criminal records

An assistant district attorney in my county told me that sometimes they even have to pay for records from another jurisdiction. She said they might have a wanted criminal in jail for some minor charge and not be aware that he fled another state. She said that sometimes they don’t even know if the person has committed crimes in another county! There’s a terrible lack of sharing of information in this country where criminal records are concerned. This makes it possible for a sociopath to move from state to state, racking up arrests and charges. If he had committed all the crimes in one place, he’d probably be in jail as a habitual offender.  In our country, it’s not a big feat to evade prosecution.

One time I called the state police where the sociopath I know has several warrants.  I asked what needed to be done for him to be arrested and put in jail.  The officer laughed.  Yes, he laughed.  He said that unless the charges were serious, such as rape or murder, they wouldn’t seek extradition. The only way he was going to be arrested was if he returned to that state and turned himself in or was picked up again for drunk driving or something while in that state and the warrants were discovered.  Even so, at a time when he already had two warrants there, he was arrested, spent a night in jail and was released!

What I’m trying to say is that you shouldn’t get your hopes up if you do find a slew of arrests, convictions and even warrants. It means nothing in a society with a criminal justice system that’s already over burdened. Unless your sociopath has committed serious crimes, he’s probably going to remain free.

Why do you want to find records?

Why would you want to find criminal records? It does give you some sense of satisfaction to know that the sociopath has been arrested or spent time in jail. These records can also help you if you’ve found yourself in a place where family and friends have believed what the sociopath says and what he’s done to try to discredit you. Chances are pretty good that you don’t have a criminal record.  If he does, you may be able to regain the trust of family and friends he’s tried to alienate from you. Be prepared, however, for the possibility that they’ll believe him when he says you forged the records. You can even put them on the phone with someone at the clerk of court’s office and they still might think it’s an elaborate con on your part!

If you’re facing the sociopath in some sort of court situation, child custody, for example, criminal records might help you to show that he or she is unfit to be a parent.  In a civil action, it can help to establish that he or she is not credible. He or she might even lie about having priors, and these documents will prove otherwise. Don’t rely on the district attorney to do the legwork. In a criminal case, these priors could mean the difference between jail time and probation.

How to find records

Should you pay for those online criminal records searches that cost about 40 bucks? I say usually not.  It depends on how much you know about the person.  The one thing those searches can yield is a list of addresses the person has lived over the years, and you need to know that in order to find records. What’s alarming is that the sociopath I know has had more than 20 addresses in the last 20 years.  What does that say about him?

Let’s say you do know where the person has been living for the last several years.  You start by looking for municipal court records online in those towns.  Some cities have wonderful court records online, and they’re free. You’ll be able to use these to find out if the person has been involved in any civil or criminal cases, and there will be brief descriptions of the outcomes. If you need more information, you can call or visit the appropriate court to get copies of the records, if they still have them. In some cases, there’s nothing more than a list of charges and a disposition. Even if the charges were dismissed against an individual, there is still an arrest record.

You may go through the list of cities in which this individual has lived and find some records online for some of the locations. Others may not have online records. If you want to find anything in these places, you will have to go there, call or write to request a records search. Some courts will tell you everything you need to know over the telephone. Some will not, and it might even depend on the clerk you talk to that day.  Some will be surly and dismissive. Others will be helpful and sympathetic.

Make sure to check both municipal and county court records.  Large cities may span several counties, so you’ll need to call or search court records for each one.  What shocks me, is that some states purge records after a period of time. One state even clears out its DUIs, so someone could actually have a DUI arrest every 7 or so years and you wouldn’t be able to find them. Is it ok for a person to potentially have 4 or 5 DUIs by the time he reaches middle age and there not be a lasting record of it?  I don’t think so.  Data storage is cheap now.  Why don’t states hang onto the information?

You may decide to hire a private investigator.  If you find the right one, you’ll get lots of help. I have hired a few, and had one that went above and beyond the call of duty.  He even spoke to someone at the DA’s office in a major metropolitan area to find out why some felony charges had been “dead docketed.”

Private investigators are expensive. If you can do the work yourself, do it. If the individual you’re researching hasn’t moved around at all, and you’re still both in the same city, it’s just a matter of checking the area courts for records.

This will hopefully get you started.  If you encounter any problems or don’t know what to do next, I might be able to answer your questions.  You’re  a taxpayer who has a right to the information you’re seeking, and the clerks are employed because of taxes we pay.  Don’t be afraid to ask them for help.  Be friendly and patient so they’ll be more willing to help you.

The Internet makes it easy for one to lie about who he is, what he’s accomplished and where he’s been. It also makes it easy to expose someone who plays fast and loose with the truth.

If someone’s leaving a path of “broken hearts and empty wallets” in his or her wake, make it known to others. Help people avoid the suffering you’ve encountered.  Not many will heed your warnings, but there will be a few rescued. Sociopaths are good con men and can explain away almost anything to the satisfaction of someone whose heart and mind they control. I know of at least one woman who paid attention to my effort. There may be others who never bothered to contact me.

It’s especially useful if you can get access to criminal records.  These are all public records, unless the arrests or convictions took place before the individual was 18 (in the United States).

The truth is 100% defense against libel and slander.  Remember that.  Don’t say anything that can’t be proven as being the truth. Because the sociopath is someone who wants to “win,” you might find yourself in court if there’s any shred of non-truth to what you say. In my own case, everything I’ve said or written is backed up by court documents. Even though there have been indirect threats of legal action, it’s never happened.  And with good reason. It’s the truth and I can prove it.

I’m lucky, so-to-speak, because the sociopath who wreaked havoc in my life has an extensive arrest record. There are more than a few outstanding warrants. Any civil action against me would be a guarantee that EVERYTHING would come out.

If you can expose someone like this, do it.  Remember to tell the truth and use only FACTS that you can support. Research laws in your state that pertain to libel and slander (defamation) so you know what you can legally do.  If you have the resources, consult an attorney.

If your sociopath found you online, submit your story to Exposing Online Predators & Cyberpaths.

I had the weirdest dream last night. I only remember bits and pieces. Richard Simmons was in it. I was in an airport. I don’t know why! In the dream, my phone rang and the caller identified herself as, “Brandt, Nancy.” Do you ever have dreams in which people tell you their names?

I was watching TV a couple of nights ago.  I don’t remember what channel it was or what the ad was for, except that it was trying to sell some kind of alcoholic drink.  What stuck in my mind was that the ad revolved around a sociopathic attempt to get into a club.  The man in the ad lied, saying he was Burt Reynolds.  While the guy at the door scrutinized the fake card the liar gave him, the liar sneaked into the club. The ad tries to make us think lying and cheating is fun, exciting and traits we want to see in men.  It made me feel ill.  If anyone knows what company is using this ad, let me know.  I’ll write/call them to complain and encourage others to do the same.

I found out that the ad is for Jose Cuervo. There’s a lot of press about this ad, but nothing really helps us to understand why glorifying a liar should be part of an ad campaign.
http://www.prnewsonline.com/prnewswire/3431.html

Watching X at work, I’ve noticed that anything good that happens (to anyone he has any connection with) is his doing.  He steps right up to take his bows.

Anything bad? Forget it. Pass the blame.  It’s not his fault. If he can’t get or keep a job, it’s someone else’s fault. It’s not because his resume is packed with lies or he has a history of arrests and more than a few warrants out there.  It’s never, ever his fault and he will never take responsibility for his own life.

You may know people like this.  Beware of them.  Don’t trust them.

X is a dumbass.  He must be on the low end of the intelligence spectrum as far as sociopaths are concerned.  He can’t stop himself from lying, so he constantly contradicts himself and can’t manage to keep his stories straight.  Sometimes there will be a common thread though.

For about a year, he’s been saying that our other brother is dead.  Last night he went so far as to say that he has his ashes there with him.  He once said the other brother is buried under the concrete floor of a warehouse.

My sister was so fed up with his crap that she called the police about it today. A deputy came to her house to take a report. We’ll see what happens. Our other brother hasn’t been heard from in 4 years.  Since X keeps claiming he’s dead, the police were interested. Way to go , X, you drunken, sociopathic dumbass. Keep on shooting your mouth off. You’ll end up in jail (again) yet.